Wednesday, September 30, 2009

my mind is going

can't function. way too much to do. kitchen is a mess. want to go to sleep and dream of cake. it is 8:01pm. if it were 8 i would feel much better about all this, but it's 1 minute past the hour. i will make a plan. i will follow the plan.

1) clean up the kitchen. listen to me first and the gimme gimmes for energy. drink a large glass of water.
2) read the first 2 chapters of the odyssey (ulysses class starts tomorrow!)
3) pack up the remainder of the living room.
4) tidy up bedroom. drink ebb tide of cognac. fall asleep to the daily show.

here you go, zo, here you go. BAM!

Sunday, September 27, 2009

midnight, downtown

got our tickets for "this is it" and a poster for samara's birthday. not the andy warhol portrait that was just auctioned off for an undisclosed sum of money. i'm talking about the movie poster!

she is going to be so happy!

a grief that you cannot name

at night to calm my mind i have been reading a few pages at a time of janet frame's faces in the water. her writing is achingly beautiful. not since reading the opening of la batarde have i felt such a flood of emotional depth from the written word. it's as if she is speaking from a place that i know intimately, but that has always remained in darkness. she opens every window to it, plus corridors i have never dared explore.

"...i feel myself dropping as if a trap door had opened into darkness... then i rise disembodied from the dark to grasp and attach myself like a homeless parasite to the shape of my identity and its position in space and time. at first i cannot find my way, i cannot find myself where i left myself, someone has removed all trace of me. i am crying."


Thursday, September 24, 2009

you never know how psychotic that person is

pretty nutty

i have packing for the last four hours and i have come to the point where i can no longer put items in boxes and arrange them neatly. some startling relics from the past:

~a collage that becca r. made me with flowers glued to the hair of fcs graduates from long ago
~my charlie manson clock that says "now is the time for helter skelter"
~the newt
~"gemma's journey", the children's book i made in grad school
~my totally edgy image response journal
~flyer for the intellectual stoop sale
~the obsession movie, which i am so tempted to post here, but i think it's too embarassing... maybe i'll just post a clip from the opening

well, i've now been working on converting the movie to an imovie compatible format in order to clip the beginning and post it for about half an hour. this is getting crazy. we are buying a house tomorrow!!!!

i know what i'll post while the footage is uploading.

who are those michael jackson look-a-likes at point pleasant??

Saturday, September 19, 2009

march 5th, 1997

at school, a bus was to leave, a camp bus, off to oberlin. i was to get on this bus but i didn't want to do it! all those horrible memories of camp buses and camp and being on my own - alone. god help me, i want anything more than to get on that bus. he was there, we were walking, hand in hand. we left campus and walked across, appearing in my house, my room. around my room. i wanted him to look at my room, look around in fascination, i wanted to take him through it - show him my cds and books. i wanted him to notice the stuff on the floor and all of it. he just wanted to make sure i had everything i needed, i wanted to say wait! there must be something... wait! i'm not ready! we left my room and he led me back to the bus.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Monday, September 14, 2009

r.i.p. johnny castle

it's a pity embedding has been disabled for this video, because it would be an honor to have it on my blog:

nobody puts baby in the corner

patrick swayze, you have given me much joy in this life. in third grade i watched "dirty dancing" five times in one weekend and it still gives me a tingly thrill - all because of you.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

art saves lives

today i went on a mural arts tour of west philly with the dvata. it was kind of frustrating that i couldn't get a good look at all of the murals because either the driver couldn't stop or i was on the wrong side of the bus, but it was enjoyable nonetheless. i learned that the mural arts program has produced more than 3000 murals since is inception in 1984, making it one of the largest public arts initiatives in the nation. it started as a way to decrease graffiti in philadelphia by redirecting the energy of graffiti artists from destructive to constructive ends. under the direction of artist jane golden, it took off. each mural tells a story about the neighborhood and engages residents in the process of its creation. more than 20,000 young people have participated in the program. mural arts also provides opportunities to incarcerated individuals and ex-inmates to be involved in community projects. here are some of the ones i saw:

"murals work on a symbolic level, providing opportunities for communities to express important concerns,values and aspirations - their yearning to be free of violence and fear, their hopes for a better world, their desire for beauty." ~jane golden

Friday, September 11, 2009

greg drasler

another interesting painter i discovered from the re-title mailing list. he paints mostly surrealistic interiors like cars, rooms and luggage, as well as random objects on pillows and lots and lots of hats. i love his color palette and the subtlety of his technique. in his artist statement, he cites agoraphobia and claustrophobia as the "cardinal navigation points" of his work. these are some of my favorites:

"I begin paintings as larks, jokes or problems and I finish them like religous paintings."

addictive logic

craig nakken, author of the addictive personality explains:

addiction is a process of buying into false and empty promises: the false promise of relief, the false promise of emotional security, the false sense of fulfillment... like any other major illness, addiction is an experience that changes people in permanent ways. that is why it's so important that people in recovery attend twelve step and other self-help meetings on a regular basis; the addictive logic remains deep inside of them and looks for an opportunity to reassert itself in the same or in a different form.

i wonder if he writes about how that logic forms in terms of the relational precursors to finding those promises so enticing and so darkly irresistible. i guess i'll never find out since my current project is to finish all the books i borrowed from the r*nfrew library, then fulfill my stated goal of reading some jungian feminist texts and reporting back to dr. h. i have a different sort of addiction that is comprised of me committing to ideas in my head about great things i will do and making these ideas known to others so as to ensure their completion, not doing them and then applying massive amounts of pressure, thus forcing me to either complete the project in frustration and resentment or abandon it with guilt and a pervasive sense of inadequacy. here i go again!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

phenomenology of schizophrenia

this is why sometimes it's really fun to read art therapy books:

"figure 56 represents a stalk of celery which appeared to move and speak. florence, who drew this hallucination, said that just as she was about to eat the celery, it spoke to her saying, 'don't eat me.' it had a soft, male voice like that of her father. she described it as wearing a skirt and moving 'the way a penis moves.'"

i don't think i would be very helpful to schizophrenics. i would probably think their paranoid delusions about government-run mind control operations and alien conspiracies were true. and i'd probably be too fascinated by their unusual perceptions to want to blot them out. best to stick with eating disorders.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

there will be cupcakes

come on down to the veggie cabaret tonight to get your vegan cupcake on and see dan piraro and company live! i've been baking all morning and i'm working up the audacity to charge a dollar for a cup of filtered water. of the three people i know doing fringe performances this year, this one might be the least lame, and i guarantee it will have the best concessions. vanilla/chocolate, cookies & cream, carrot cake, coconut lime, strawberry lemonade, you know you want it. mention my blog and i'll give you every single cupcake for free.

i have full confidence that this post will draw hordes, especially given how many people voted for my ulysses poll.

i'll also be at the blessing of the animals next week selling goodies.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

microwaves and cell phones

ever since lenya came over in june and insisted on heating our vegan lasagna in the oven, i've been a little suspicious of our microwave. a couple weeks ago, luca and i stopped using it altogether. here's why:

microwaves don't actually heat your food - they just rotate the polarity of the molecules in it millions of times per second, causing the structures to be torn apart and deformed. this is a process that no organic system can withstand for any extended period of time. when you consume food heated in the microwave, it changes the make-up of your blood. hemoglobin levels and lymphocytes decrease while white cell and cholesterol levels increase. changing the molecular structure of the food renders it carcinogenic. even just being around a microwave can cause physical and psychological disturbances, including memory loss, lowered concentration, emotional instability and impaired intellectual capacities. this is a result of electro-magnetic radiation leakage. the u.s. government has not conducted any tests on the effects of nuking your food. the soviet union, on the other hand, banned microwaves in 1976.

on a similar note, cell phones have been in the news recently following studies linking their use with brain tumors. lloyd morgan, lead author and member of the bioelectromagnetics society says:

“Exposure to cell phone radiation is the largest human health experiment ever undertaken, without informed consent, and has some 4 billion participants enrolled.

Science has shown increased risk of brain tumors from use of cell phones, as well as increased risk of eye cancer, salivary gland tumors, testicular cancer, non-Hodgkin's lymphoma and leukemia.

The public must be informed.”

these are the apparent risks of cell phone use:

• brain tumors
• blood cell damage and cellular changes
• DNA damage
• nerve-cell damage
• acceleration and contribution to the onset of autism
• alzheimer’s disease
• eye damage
• Cause sleep disruptions, fatigue and headache

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

another irishman

i had seen a pair of portraits by the irish painter william orpen at the clark museum and jotted his name down to investigate. turns out he was an official war painter beginning in 1916. he was sent to france where he depicted privates, dead soldiers, german pow's and ravaged landscapes. i didn't even know there were war painters.

in 1921, orpen published a memoir about his experiences called william orpen: an onlooker in france. in it he expressed critical attitudes about world war one and how it was managed. apparently all the suffering that orpen witnessed took a toll on his later work, which many critics regarded as "detached" and "shallow."

stately, plump buck mulligan?

the rosenbach museum is starting their annual ulysses course next month. i'm on the fence about signing up, so i thought i would poll my readers for direction in this matter.

as i see it, these are the pros and cons of taking the course:

-a great chance to read one of the great masterpieces of literature in a structured, guided way
-a great chance to actually understand one of the great masterpieces of literature because the course is being led by an english professor from the u. of penn
-luca will be impressed if i do it
-if i complete the course, i can read at bloomsday 2010

-it may add pressure and stress to my life to read by an externally imposed schedule
-if i don't complete the course i will be disappointed in myself
-it costs $320